Love is Insightful…
“Counsel in a man’s heart is deep water; but a man of understanding draws it up.” – Proverbs 20:5
If you miss the level of intimacy you once shared with your spouse, one of the best ways to unlock their heart again is by making a commitment to know them. Study them.
Ask questions. Love initiates conversations. In order to get your mate… to open up, they need to know that your desire for understanding them is real and genuine. As they feel safe, you will be given permission to go deeper into their heart.
Listen. The goal of understanding your mate is to hear them, not to tell them what you think. Even if your spouse is not very talkative, love calls you to draw out the “deep water” that dwells within them.
Ask God for discernment. Things like gender differences, family backgrounds, and varied life experiences can cloud your ability to know your mate’s heart and motivations. But God is a giver of wisdom. “From His mouth come knowledge and understanding” (Proverbs 2:6). The Lord will show you what you need to know to love your spouse better.
Determine to guard your mate’s secrets (unless they are dangerous to them or you) and to pray for them. Talk with your spouse, and resolve to demonstrate love in spite of these issues. Make them feel safe.